


Liar (songfic)

by The_ace_of_sharks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Everyone will be happy, Janus gets accepted, Janus tells the truth at some point, Love Confessions, Multi, Pining, Roman's gonna work out his issues, Sad Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, What Have I Done, Why do I do this to myself, and perfect for Janus angst, author almost cried while writing this, author is just very emotional when it comes to Janus, but it's fine, eventually, it's great, it's there but to the side mostly, new author be nice, ok more like screams it, seriously if you haven't heard it check it out, song is Liar by The Arcadian Wilds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_ace_of_sharks/pseuds/The_ace_of_sharks
Summary: 'Cause I'm not in the right state of mindI just wish I had strength to admit itMy stubbornness will put up a fightBut I don't deserve to win itI'm left in the dark pondering my mistakesIn the light I swear I willDeny it all━━━━━━━━━━━━━Or Janus's life with the sides as told with the song Liar by The Arcadian Wilds
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 8





	Liar (songfic)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, new author here. I've written stuff before but this is my first time posting it, be nice please. Inspired by a song that literally screamed at me to do something with it. So here I am. Song can he found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7VLCl7wR3o). I hope you enjoy!

Being Deceit gave some perks. He could always tell when something was about to go very wrong. That was mostly due to watching Anxiety. He knew him well, knew when he was uncomfortable. Anxiety was always uncomfortable before something bad happened.

_I sense there’s trouble ahead_

Creativity had been acting strange. While the others were growing and learning as Thomas learned, Creativity stalled. He would go to say one of his new ideas but it looked like he was warring with himself. When the others would ask if he was ok he would just smile and say he was fine.

He wasn’t fine. It didn’t take an embodiment of lies to figure that out. He was lying to himself and the others. That would cause harm to Thomas in the long run.

_It’s clear by the signs and warnings_

He couldn’t just confront him about it though, Morality had started acting differently. He would gently push Deceit and Anxiety to the corner during discussions. He was even doing it to Creativity. When Creativity would have an idea that seems a little darker than the rest Morality would look worried and fake laugh it off.

_That should tell where all blame is due_

But it didn’t matter who was at fault for this. What matters is it happened and they didn’t stop it in time.

The Split. A moment every side knows of but only three know what actually happened.

He had been going to check on Creativity, the crushing weight of countless lies both big and small weighed heavy in his chest as he got closer to Creativity’s room. For the first time he felt the feeling of wrongness─that something really bad was about to happen─that Anxiety kept talking about.

Creativity was on the floor clearly distressed. He tried to help, saying that it would be ok. That was probably the biggest lie he’s ever told to date.

Creativity was in pain, he cried begging for it to stop. It eventually did but only after his body split in two and the person he was before was gone left behind were two new sides. Sides who had screamed and cried as they were being torn apart.

He tried to calm them down. The other sides would have heard the screams by now and would come calm them down. Everything would be ok then, they’ll figure this out. Why did that feel like a lie? Why wouldn't everything turn out alright? Surely Logan and Morality will be able to fix this. Right?

Lie after lie told to himself and the two new sides in front of him.

Morality was the first to enter the room. He came in asking if everything was─ he didn’t finish the question. When Deceit looked up to the doorway Morality had tears and fear in his eyes.

“What happened?! Where is Creativity?! What did you do?!” Morality screamed, crying in the doorway.

_So why are they pointing at my head?_

What did he do? He didn’t do anything. Him trying to express as such just got a quiet whisper from the other side. “Liar…” Oh, now he understands because he’s Deceit he’ll only ever lie and because Morality is good he’s the right one here, he’s the one who’s doing the right thing.

_All have been led astray  
We’ve all fallen short in some way_

Morality moves closer to the two new sides. Trying to calm them down enough to ask what happened. By the time the others arrived he had managed to calm them enough. Deceit was just sitting in the corner trying to melt into the shadows but still listening in.

_Please understand I’m ashamed_

Everyone got to formally meet Roman and Remus. Not too long after, Morality had decided for the betterment of Thomas and to ensure something like this doesn’t happen again the Mindscape should become more separated. Surprisingly Logic agreed.

So that’s how him, Anxiety, and Remus found themselves shoved to the shadows of Thomas’s young mind.

_And I beg of you, please find your grace_

━━━━━━━━━━

_‘Cause I’m not in the right state of mind_

It has been many years. Thomas is an adult now and Virgil abandoned him and Remus for acceptance. Who could blame him though. Throughout the years his resentment towards the so called ‘Light Sides’ only grew, but so did his determination. He was going to show them they were wrong, that he wasn’t evil and he acts to help Thomas just as much as they do.

_I just wish I had strength to admit it  
My stubbornness will put up a fight_

He’s tried many subtle things to get through to them. It never works.

_But I don’t deserve to win it_

He sat in his room thinking. In the darkness is when he thinks best, shadows dancing in the corners telling him the secrets he needs to enact whatever plan he does next. Today however is when he can’t stop thinking about the past. He wishes that it was easier for the others to listen to him, maybe then he would have already been accepted. Like Virgil was.

_I’m left in the dark pondering my mistakes_

Virgil...betrayed him, left him and Remus in the dark that was once his home. He turned his back on them in favor of the light. What was it about the light people liked so much?

Was it just Patton with his smiles and laughter whenever he made another bad pun and got on Logan’s nerves? Was it Logan and his attempts at keeping the others controlled even if they didn’t work? Was it Roman’s eccentric spirit and over the top commentary and ideas? Virgil was much happier now. Was he not happy with them before?

Janus could see why Virgil joined them now, he probably would have done the same if given the chance. The chance to be smiled at by them. The chance to have debates with Logan, trade jabs and quips with Roman, have Patton smile and laugh with him, maybe even see Virgil truly happy again pretending he doesn’t care and trying to hide his smile whenever Janus would make a sarcastic joke.

But those are merely fantasies and fantasies are best left to the creativities. Besides even if they could become reality. Would they ever believe him if he said it out loud?

_In the light I swear I will  
Deny it all_

━━━━━━━━━━

He has a plan now. If he can ensure Patton stays out of the way long enough, he can get directly to Thomas.

_I sense deception to come_

It’s the perfect time. Thomas is worried about whether or not to lie. This is expressly his job. He just has to make sure they see it.

_Honestly, truth and I are never one_

It goes well at first. Thomas is tentatively listening to him, the sides if a little worried are going along with it. Then Roman’s attempt. Ah only he would come up with an idea as dramatic as that. Though he can’t fault him, Thomas is at least more curious about the prospect of lying now even if he’s horrible at it.

Then it all goes south. He was so close but no Virgil had to point out who he was and he had to reveal himself. Pretend to be the bad guy they see him as, cause if he tried to be anything else they’d call him a liar.

_‘Cause I am the lying man  
And I have made you my next victim_

━━━━━━━━━━

Ok the last time didn’t work but surely this time as Logan he can convince them. Present the facts and get them to listen.

Never mind that lasted even less time. Maybe now he can get them to see who he really is and why they should listen to him.

Why?! Why can’t he get them to listen to him. He tries everything. Appeals to Thomas by way of the heart and mind, tries getting Roman to agree with him by appealing to his romantic side. But the others see through his disguises, and Roman just thinks he is lying when he flirts. If only they could see he doesn’t always lie. He wants to just tell them the truth, show them who he really is. But no, all they see is ‘Deceit’ the lying two-faced snake.

_Oh, I need you to see through my act  
To tell me I’m wrong, to take off the mask_

He wants to tell the truth, but it’s been so long since he was truly himself. Could he even be himself for more than a few seconds anymore?

_Or else I’ll be left in the lie  
And I’ll just see my way straight to demise_

Thomas made his choice. Now he must watch as all the other sides slowly realize that wasn’t the right call.

_‘Cause I’m not in the right state of mind  
I just wish I had strength to admit it_

Remus tried his hand at getting accepted, he scared Thomas and the sides, needless to say it didn’t go well. Now Thomas knows Virgil used to be one of them and will probably assume that they did something horrible to him based on his hatred of them.

_My stubbornness will put up a fight  
But I don’t deserve to win it_

Of course the ‘Dark Sides’ did something to harm the only ‘good’ one among them. That’s the only logical conclusion. Definitely not that they all aren’t as bad as they seem. Only Virgil is redeemable among them.

If Thomas just opened his mind and realized that they aren’t the embodiment of evil maybe then they could all be having fun, laughing, and helping Thomas with his problems.

_I’m left in the dark pondering my mistakes_

But once again that is simply wishful thinking. They will never trust or believe ‘Deceit’. They’ll never love him as much as he can see they love each other.

_In the light I swear I will  
Deny it all_

Finally they realize that they were wrong, that sometimes even Patton is wrong. He can finally be accepted. He helps, they listen to him. Patton is sad though so he has to fix that, Roman and Logan are mad at him for deceiving them again. But Logan is agreeing, if briefly before leaving himself. Thomas and Patton are trying to listen.

Roman isn’t happy. It’s understandable though he was raised thinkin he was the good one. One last attempt at gaining trust, let’s see how it goes.

His name…he told them his name.

Roman laughed at him, he should know that that’s what he does. That’s how Roman tries making a situation better, poking fun at things. But in the moment, with all the emotional buildup from the day he responded back with a quip. One that he could clearly see was the wrong choice as soon as he said it, but there is no going back.

Roman’s upset, he thinks the others don’t believe in them. Janus tries to help but no, he’s set in his self doubt spiral.

“Wow! I can’t believe this. Did you forget that he’s EVIL?!” He should be used to it, he’s heard this line hundreds of times, but he’s too close to breaking. His walls are full of tiny cracks, one more and it’ll come tumbling down

“Oh right, I’m the bad guy. How could I forget? _I am the host of this hostility. I’m the master magician that makes you believe_.”

“Janus…” Patton...right him and Thomas are here. Is he actually worried or was that him imagining that they care for him in that way. It doesn’t matter anyway.

“ _I’m real, I’m not fake, but in reality I’m a lying man_!” Why is he saying this? Why can’t he stop? The final crack. His walls have crumbled too far, he won’t be able to build them back up in time. But maybe if he can tell them everything they’ll believe him.

“ _My life’s become this grand game of deception. My mind’s ignored all my heart's good intentions. We all feel this tension. We all have our own illusions_.” He can’t help himself, he changes forms, but just that one form. The one he only turned into in the privacy of his room. The one that fulfilled all his hopes. That maybe if he didn’t look like a two faced snake, they would love him.

The others startle, looking at him with surprise. Were they expecting him to change into one of them? He’s done that too. Looked in the mirror and imagined that they were looking at him with kindness. They try to say something but it’s too late, he needs to finish talking or else he fears he’ll explode.

“ _‘Cause we’re not in the right state of mind_.” He gestures vaguely but they understand what he means, The ‘Dark Sides’. “ _We all wish for the strength to admit it. Our stubbornness will put up a fight. But we ‘don’t deserve to win it’_.” They’re thinking, truly thinking about what he’s saying but he has to make sure they understand.

_No we’re not in the right state of mind  
We all wish for the strength to admit it  
Our stubbornness will put up a fight  
But we don’t deserve to win it_

“ _We’re left in the dark pondering our mistakes. In the light I swear we will, deny it all. Deny it all_ …. I wish you could understand how much I’ve wanted to say that, to explain how you’ve hurt me and that somehow I still love you all.” He puts on his missing glove where they can see. He’s done, he’s told them the truth but he can’t wait around and have them call him a liar again. He’s too fragile right now. His mask has been removed and shattered on the floor, he needs a new one.

He takes a breath, not even looking at their faces for fear of what he will see there, and sinks out. Back to his room, back to the darkness.

━━━━━━━━━━

The next few days are spent in his room, sulking until Remus drags him out to listen to his ideas and watch movies. How could he have been so stupid as to tell them the truth. They’ll never accept him, no matter what he does. Thomas has been trying to summon him, but he’s not used to summoning a ‘dark side’ that isn’t Virgil so Janus is able to ignore it.

It’s when those few days turn into a week that something happens. He is in his room reading while Remus was off in his part of the Imagination, when a sudden knock on his door startled him out of his newest book. It couldn’t be Remus, unless he suddenly learned manners which Janus doubted heavily.

He set his book aside and stood up, adjusting his cape and hat as he walked to the door and opened it. He was _totally_ prepared for the four ‘Light Sides’ to be on the other side seemingly anxious. “Can I help you?” He tried to forget the sudden nervousness he felt, it wouldn’t do well to dwell on the hopes and dreams he tried keeping locked away.

“Janus!” Without warning Patton jumped on him for a hug. If it weren’t for the shelf right next to the door they both would have fallen onto the floor.

“Patton? What are you doing?”

“Hugging you of course!”

“No, I understand that. Why?” Patton finally releases him when Logan places a hand on his shoulder. Janus steadies himself and fixes his cape briefly.

“We agreed to ask first Patton.” Logan chides and Patton pouts in quite possibly the cutest way. No stop, those thoughts are only gonna make it worse. “Janus. We have been discussing the...insights you gave us last time we talked.” Oh. “Would it be alright if we came in to discuss them with you as well?”

Well they’re already here, he can’t turn them away now. “Very well. Don’t come in.” He moves away from the doorway and over to his bed, picking up the book and moving to put in on one of the bookshelves while the others look around his room and sit down on his bed. Once done he turns back around and sits on the closest armchair, snapping his fingers the chair turns to face the other four.

“What would you like to discuss?” The four look at each other having a silent conversation with each other before Patton speaks up.

“Did we really make you feel like that kiddo?”

“Right yes, ask the liar if he was telling the truth.” He tries joking but they clearly didn’t see it as such, Patton what about to make a retort, “Regardless. Yes that is how it felt for me. I don’t know how well you remember The Split, Patton and Roman?” That sentence got some reactions at first. Most notably being Roman who had an unplaceable expression on his face.

“Oh.” Ah so Patton did remember. “ _Oh_. I’m so sorry Janus! I don’t know what I was thinking saying that. It was so long ago, I didn’t remember it till now.”

“It’s fine, Patton. It may have been the first but it certainly wasn’t the only moment that made me realize how you all viewed me.” Were those looks of sadness on their faces? Impossible he must have imagined it. “Anyway, Roman do you actually remember The Split?” A head shake 'no' was his answer. “Ah that explains some things. That means I’m the only one who knows what happened. Deceit being the only one knowing the truth? A laughable thought I know, but it’s surprisingly more common here than you would think.”

“You know what happened during The Split?” Logan, of course.

“Yes he does. I only arrived afterwards and all I saw were Roman and Remus crying and Janus nearby. I guess I jumped to a few conclusions.” The other three looked to Patton in surprise.

“A few would be an understatement. Yes I was there when The Split happened. I can tell you what happened if you want.” His fingers poised ever so closer towards his gloves, ready to take them off if need be.

“That will have to be a story for another time. We have more to discuss.” Logan, always the one to bring the group back on track. “The other thing you said, at the end. What did you mean by that?” Other thing? What other─oh, that.

Janus sighed, well it was gonna come out sooner or later. He had just hoped it would be later. He carefully removed his gloves. This was a much bigger truth, bigger than his name, he would need both off to be able to do this. He didn’t miss how the others seemed to exchange glances with each other, they took note of him needing to take off his gloves and they would remember that. Well if all his other secrets are coming out, why not one more?

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, looking over to the shelf near the door needing something to focus on that wasn't their faces. It doesn’t hurt that doing so hides his snake scales from their view. “I...may have been harboring...feelings for the four of you for a while now. Though I understand if you don’t feel the same.” Looking down he tries not to notice them looking at each other in the corner of his eye.

This is it. This is when they reject him, crush his heart and soul and leave through the door they came in, never talking to him again. He doesn’t notice he started crying till a thumb carefully wipes it away. He looks up surprised. Patton has his hand on his cheek and the other three are standing around him, looks of care on their faces.

“Oh kiddo, we love you too. Sure it took your outburst for us to realize we were being just the worst to you, but we talked about it together. I’m so sorry we made you feel like that. We will try taking your opinion into account for the future.” He cried more, he couldn’t help it.

“This has to be a dream. There’s no way. Virgil you hate me.” Virgil looked at him, it’s a miracle he can still read him like he used to. He was sorry, actually sorry. “Roman...you…” Roman just smiled at him and god did that make him just want to run into his arms.

“I know I have issues I need to work through as well, but yes me too.”

“Logan?”

“While we do have our differences and problems in the past, I am in agreement with the others on this.” They love him. _They love him_. Oh he’s crying again.

“Oh kiddo, it’s ok.” Just like that Patton engulfs him in a hug. Oh it feels nice to be comforted by him. Roman also joins the hug, saying something about him being a slimy snake boi but Janus is too overwhelmed to care. Virgil and Logan just put their hands on his shoulders, but it’s enough. And if he cries more while being hugged by his new boyfriends no one cares, they just hug him tighter.


End file.
